Sex scenes. Some of us have a natural talent for writing them. For the rest of us, it’s an awkward struggle. But it doesn’t have to be! Below are nine sexy tips to help you write a really good sex scene.
1.) Use your character’s attributes and experiences to your advantage.
Ever imagined how a seven foot person and a three foot person would have sex? What positions work and what positions don’t? Does your male lead have a tail with a mind of its own? Does your female lead have claws? Don’t be afraid to use any of unique attributes in bedroom gymnastics!
2.) Establish sexual tension… then raise the stakes.
Love is about taking risks. The best sex scenes happen after a do-or-die situation because the characters become aware of their mortality, and realize life is too short to not fall in the arms of the person you love.
3.) Sex isn’t always flowery and sweet.
In fact, some of the best sex scenes are downright dirty/wet/gross.
4.) Continuity is important.
Chuck Wendig of Terribleminds writes, you can’t remove a corset three times in one scene.
5.) Emphasize the physical, but not at the expense of the emotional.
Diana Gabaldon, author of the popular Outlander series, writes: “Where most beginning writers screw up (you should pardon the expression) is in thinking that sex scenes are about sex. A good sex scene is about the exchange of emotions, not bodily fluids. That being so, it can encompass any emotion whatever, from rage or desolation to exultation, tenderness, or surprise.
“Lust is not an emotion; it’s a one-dimensional hormonal response. Ergo, while you can mention lust in a sex-scene, describing it at any great length is like going on about the pattern of the wall-paper in the bedroom. Worth a quick glance, maybe, but essentially boring.”
6.) Reveal something important about the character.
Make sure to leave an impression in the readers’ minds, an emotional landmark that helps them remember sex scenes. “I remember that sex scene! That’s when you find out Charlie is an orphan!” Exiting a sex scene without revealing something to the reader about the characters is kind of like having a one night stand, because you don’t know anything about them other than the mind blowing sex you’ve just had (or not).
7.) Every sex scene should advance the story.
Inserting random sex scenes to satisfy a sex quota is disconcerting. This isn’t to say that someone should get pregnant after each sex scene, but sex scenes are important for establishing alliances, or breaking alliances, and revealing who is willing to risk what for whom.
8.) Let the reader choreograph the action.
Being detailed and graphic isn’t always necessary to arouse the reader. Sometimes ambiguous details are more imaginative or telling.
9.) In addition to being sexy, sex is sometimes funny.
Steve Almond writes for The Rumpus, “Most of the time, real people say all kinds of weird, funny things during sex, such as, ‘I think I’m losing circulation’ and ‘I’ve got a cramp in my foot’ and ‘Oh, sorry!’ and ‘Did you come already? Goddamn it!’”
Writing a really great sex scene can be nerve-racking, but don’t let it phase you. Someone out there is reading their first romance ever, and their first erotic scene ever, and they’re just as nervous and excited as you are. So just remember to have fun. Final tip: If your sex scene doesn’t arouse you, then your work is not done!
Also, listen to Elizabeth Benedict, author of a life-saving book called The Joy of Writing Sex, talk a little bit about how to write a really good sex scene. Download audio here.
Bonus: Check out Buzzfeed’s 34 .GIFs That Sum Up Your First Sexual Experience for a good laugh.
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